Dear Riot, where can I send you my therapy bill?

Yes, there will be HEAVY SPOILERS for Arcane season 2 in this post.

I’ve been writing this post since November 29th, according to my drafts. Also, if you’re one of my Substack followers as well as one of our Pixigonal readers, you’ll notice there’s been a hefty gap in my publishing, though I did get to publish my early review for the second season.

This is not because I’ve been avoiding writing, but because this second and last season of Arcane really touched on some deep themes that resonated very loudly within me, and the show kind of… broke me for a little over a month. It’s a sad yet very true story.

Dramatic, right? Nah. Honestly, if you don’t relate to shows/movies/lyrics/any kind of art, then are you even human?

The first not-even two minutes of the first Arcane episode after a three-year wait make you grab the couch as it rips you away and right back into the action-packed cliffhanger that left us hanging since the show’s first season ended back in 2020. I was very glad the intro is long and awesome enough to bring you back to your senses.

But that only lasted for a bit.

As the first episode continues immediately after the intro, Freya Riding’s hauntingly glorious voice blesses the screen and proceeds to literally shred your heart to pieces as the song I Can’t Hear It Anymore is played to the most tragic daughter-burying-mother sequence I’ve ever seen. We had to pause the show to collect ourselves when that scene was done.

It’s seriously almost as if Riot looked at Arcane’s beloved and highly praised first season and said, “Nah, that was too much fun. Time to tone it down."

But the real magic of Arcane isn’t that it was so well-adapted to the silver screens, but because of how it has raised the bar for shows in both a production and emotional standard. Production-wise, this is the most expensive animated show to date (as of the writing of this post, anyway), and it shows. Each episode offers a charcuterie board of incredible animation effects, music production, sound effects, voice acting, animation style and execution that is honestly impossible to find in any other show today. I’d hate having to follow Arcane as a show.

Emotionally… well, the show is entirely about life lessons and family bonds, friendships, and forgiving and finding yourself. And that’s where the show felt like a sucker punch to the soul.

Without going into details, I relate to Jinx’s character in a few yet significant ways. I have a few mental health diagnoses and, together, they all have taken heavy tolls on me and loved ones around me for many years. As I get older, learn more about myself, and see things from different perspectives, I’ve been more aware of my actions, thoughts, and feelings, having worked on myself for the last couple of years.

What I felt while at my lowest points in life, words and thought-processes I had never imagined being shared or mirrored by anyone else, were all thrown in my face for the duration of the show. Please, I’m not painting myself (or Jinx, for that matter) as guilt-free or perfect victims of circumstances - I assure you I am no saint. But, for the first time in my life, this ugly part of me that decays and consumes everything it touches was brought to life and represented in a painfully accurate way.

But what truly broke me to pieces was this scene.

For fuck’s sake, it’s December 30th and I am still having a hard time writing about this without crying.

“I've held on for as long as I can For the ones that I had to defend

I've been strong every day of my life

If she wants, death could take me this time"

For context and, again, with no further details, I’ve dealt with intrusive thoughts and suicidal ideation for 20 years. While at my lowest, a few times, the desire to utterly disappear was so great that I’m honestly surprised (but very, very glad) I’m still here. Watching Jinx pull the pin over, and over, and over, and over, and then try to jump off when she realized Ekko wouldn’t give up on her was hard. So very hard. Phew, man. The tears are real. Watching Ekko rewind time over, and over, and over again, refusing to give up on her, was too real. It reminded me of things I’ve been through, feelings I’ve felt, words I’ve spoken, and people who have been my Ekko.

“If I could just lay my head down and rest

If there was nothing to fight or protect

Maybe then I could finally be free

Maybe death is like falling asleep”

I never thought lyrics could actually hurt. What made that scene even more powerful is the fact Jinx’s desire to just blow herself up, to give up and “rid others of the curse she is” was conveyed without her saying “I want to kill myself” at any point. But we felt it. Wasteland, sung by Royal & the Serpent, was… a blow. I don’t know how else to describe it without sounding dramatic, but I truly saw myself in that moment, in Jinx’s shoes. Watching Jinx go through this journey, watching her arc as she goes from deranged villain to a an anti-hero and legend was cathartic. It was hard watching it all unfold. I had never wanted to hug a fictional character before, yet there I was, sobbing, hugging my knees, and just feeling.

“My body's on the line now

Pull the blanket tight now

I can feel the light shine on my face

Did I disappoint you?

Will they still let me over

If I cross the line?”

Another song that left me broken (and completely obsessed, and Twenty One Pilots’ Tyler’s

scream at the Game Awards while performing this song lives forever and ever, amen, rent-free in my head), for similar yet different personal reasons.

Honestly, Arcane felt like a massive inward look at myself, and into humanity as a whole. People fucking suck, but there are also those who refuse to give up on us, those who love us unconditionally both platonically and romantically. People who care, who will listen. Who don’t judge or crucify. Needless to say, a whole lot of therapy and self-care (thank you, Finch app) was needed in the last month and a bit.

Which begs the question once more: dear Riot, where can I send you my therapy bill?

Official Pixigonal Rating: 13/10

Arcane will be a hard series to forget and follow, and the bar for animated series is forever raised. Truly the best show of the year (I’m so sorry, Agatha All Along, I still love you).